When my father passed away after a short bout of illness on the 27th November 2022, I felt my world crumble around me. Although I knew it was coming, nothing could have prepared me for the overwhelming state of shock, pain, emptiness, feeling like my heart had just shattered into a million pieces, that sinking sensation at the pit of my stomach & the rollercoaster of emotions that followed. My brain went into overload & I felt like I could not breath.
I had the most amazing conversation with him just 12 hours before. A video call where I saw him smile, joke, not in pain. We had a good few giggles. He seemed to be at complete peace. I even saw a sparkle in his eyes that was somehow lost the weeks leading up to this day. Now that I think back, its almost as if he wanted to leave that special happy memory for us after he left.
A week prior I got to spend an hour with him whilst he was still in the hospital. We chatted about all the other patients that he had befriended (which came really easy for him), he gave them comfort and support whilst putting his own needs on the back burner. He made sure to ask about mums needs and reminded me of little things to be done at home to ensure that it was easy for her. He took the time to ask about how everyone else was doing and passed his love to them. Just before leaving I remember telling him to keep a positive mind and be strong, to keep smiling & maintain the love in his heart. Just before leaving, we had the most heartfelt hug. I walked away not knowing that it would be the last.
I think back on all the conversations we had in the years we had together. Endless hours of ramblings whilst busy with some chore or project ........we always had something going on.
From these conversations came many important life lessons that I carry with me to this day.
Growing up, dad & I spent endless hours either gardening, fixing something, building something, doing some small maintenance work around the house or cooking. He would talk to me about the different plants, herbs, vegetables; when to plant them, how to take care of them. He would teach me about basic electrical repairs. He taught me how to be really creative & turn the simplest of things into something beautiful & elegant. I was his right hand passing tools as he got on with his project. And he took the time and had the patience to explain everything he did every step of the way.
Our conversations were endless. As I may not remember every detail of every conversation, I do remember how interesting & fulfilling they were. I remember the lessons that come from them & I remember the passion that he put into every thing he did. He exuded extreme joy in being able to share his knowledge & endless skills. This has taught me that doing something with absolute passion & love brings endless amount of inner joy.
Deep conversations with the right person is priceless. The most profound lesson that dad has left me with is that all losses are survivable, we have the ability to transform any loss into a positive event; failure is unequivocally not the end; and its ok to get yourself up, dust yourself off and try again.
Amongst all the things that he taught me, one of them that really sticks out is "Make your own decisions & trust your gut, even if you end up wrong, you will come out wiser"
One of the greatest gift that he has given me, is truly believing in me. Giving me the courage to succeed in anything that I set my mind.
As he aged, dad taught us to grow old with dignity, humour, kindness, humbleness & love.
So Dad, today you would have been 78, but 77 was your number. Happy Heavenly Birthday dad. You will always be in my heart because that's where you are still alive.
Love you Always & Forever.
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